{"id":2518,"date":"2015-09-15T21:35:53","date_gmt":"2015-09-15T21:35:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/?p=2518"},"modified":"2015-09-15T21:42:07","modified_gmt":"2015-09-15T21:42:07","slug":"never-say-these-9-things-to-friends-experiencing-infertility","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/blog\/never-say-these-9-things-to-friends-experiencing-infertility\/","title":{"rendered":"Never Say These 9 Things to Friends Experiencing Infertility"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Surprised<\/a><\/p>\n

You said what?!? Most of us have a friend who\u2019s trying to get pregnant. With\u00a01 in 8 couples experiencing\u00a0infertility, you probably have\u00a0friends right now who are undergoing fertility treatment. But what do you to say to a friend who’s experiencing infertility? If you haven\u2019t been through it\u00a0yourself, or it\u2019s been a long time since you did, you might blunder into saying something incredibly painful. Studies show that experiencing\u00a0infertility can be as acutely stressful as undergoing cancer treatment. Friends and family can make things much worse.<\/p>\n

Never say these 9\u00a0insensitive things to friends who are trying to get pregnant.<\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

1.\u00a0Trying to Solve the Problem<\/h3>\n

\"Young<\/a><\/h3>\n

\u201cI have some\u00a0friends who finally got pregnant when they tried\u2026 (insert treatment here).\u201d You might feel tempted to offer advice, but unless they\u2019re specifically coming to you for advice, or you\u00a0happen to be\u00a0an infertility specialist, your advice will likely do more harm than good. You job is not to\u00a0fix the problem\u2014that’s the job of an infertility specialist. Just because you have 3 kids yourself doesn\u2019t mean you know how to\u00a0reverse infertility. If your friend is over the age of 35, or has been trying to conceive for a year, it’s time to see a fertility specialist.<\/p>\n

2. Complaining About Your Pregnancy<\/h3>\n

\"Pregnant<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re so lucky you aren\u2019t pregnant right now because my pregnancy is making me so uncomfortable and tired all the time.\u201d Ouch. If your friend is trying to get pregnant, your words will come across as cutting and insensitive. Never say your friend is lucky to be childless, or that it\u2019s a good thing that things are working out differently than he or she planned. And especially avoid this if you\u2019re pregnant yourself.<\/p>\n

3. Playing Doctor<\/h3>\n

\"Sympathetic<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you try IVF?\u201d Without knowing your friends\u2019 particular infertility issues (and don\u2019t expect them to divulge them), or their financial resources, you are pushing your friend into a defensive position by accusing them of not doing everything possible to have a baby. IVF is expensive if not covered by insurance; it\u2019s also not the only infertility treatment out there. By bringing up this question you\u2019re stumbling into a financial discussion your friend may not wish to have with you.<\/p>\n

4. Bringing up Adoption<\/h3>\n

\"Conflict<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cHave you considered adoption?\u201d Making the assumption that your friend has exhausted the possibilities of science in conceiving a baby is not your call to make. This is a personal decision your friends will come to when they feel it\u2019s best.<\/p>\n

5. Pointing Fingers<\/h3>\n

\"Cute<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cSo is it your fault or your husband\u2019s?\u201d Asking for detailed particulars about the causes of infertility is getting way too personal for most people. There are many things that your friend may not want to discuss with you (sperm count, STDs, weight problems, etc.).<\/p>\n

6. Discounting Secondary Infertility<\/h3>\n

\"Happy<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cYou already have one child, so why are you so upset over this?\u201d Couples experiencing secondary infertility (which occurs after they\u2019ve had one or more children) go through the same pain and disappointment that couples with no children experience. Do not minimize the disruption that this has caused in their lives.<\/p>\n

7. Pointing Out How Much Fun They’ll\u00a0Have Without Kids<\/h3>\n

\"A<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you\u2019re better off not being parents\u2014you\u2019ll have more fun in life.\u201d If your friends are pursing the dream of being parents, they aren\u2019t going to suddenly change their minds by hearing how stressful it is to raise children. Assume that they are intelligent people and respect their decisions.<\/p>\n

8. Tell them\u00a0to Relax<\/h3>\n

\"concept\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cYou should just relax about the baby thing.\u201d One of the most common complaints women who are trying to get pregnant make is that friends and family blame them or their high stress lifestyle for the couple\u2019s childlessness. The best thing you can do for friends who are struggling with infertility is to offer friendship and support without any judgment.<\/p>\n

9. Gossip<\/h3>\n

\"Young<\/a><\/p>\n

“Did you hear about…” Don’t gossip about your friend who’s trying to get pregnant, or spread gossip about others who are going through infertility. If you’ve been trusted with this personal information, be respectful and don’t share information that will make your friend uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

Learning a bit about infertility can help you avoid many of the errors and faux pas that make infertility such an emotionally painful issue. Extend support to both men and women\u2014studies show that women are more likely to receive support and that men often suffer silently. Be aware that holiday gatherings can be particularly difficult situations for couples trying to get pregnant. Thoughtless comments about \u201cchoosing a career over a family\u201d or teasing about when a couple will “finally have a baby” can send someone who\u2019s dealing with infertility into depression for weeks.<\/p>\n

When\u00a0to Get Help for Infertility<\/h3>\n

Doctors advise that if a couple hasn’t conceived within 12 months, they should seek treatment from a fertility specialist. If the woman is over 35, they should seek treatment after 6 months. About 1\/3 of infertility cases are due to issues with the woman, 1\/3 from issues with the man, and 1\/3 of cases are due to a combination of problems or for unexplained reasons. At Santa Monica Fertility Clinic, we specialize in helping build families through holistic infertility treatments and\u00a0state-of-the-art technology. If you would like to schedule an initial consultation, and start your journey to parenthood,\u00a0please contact us<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"asian<\/a><\/p>\n

Sources:\u00a0Cousineau TM<\/span>, et al. \u201cPsychological Impact of Infertility,\u201d Best Practice &<\/span> Research: Clinical Obstetrics and Gynaecology<\/em> (April 2007): Vol. 21, No. 2, pp.\u00a0293\u2013308.\u00a0http:\/\/www.bestpracticeobgyn.com\/article\/S1521-6934(06)00161-1\/abstract<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You said what?!? Most of us have a friend who\u2019s trying to get pregnant. With\u00a01 in 8 couples experiencing\u00a0infertility, you probably have\u00a0friends right now who are undergoing fertility treatment. But…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2524,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2657],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2518"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2518"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2518\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2553,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2518\/revisions\/2553"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2524"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2518"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2518"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2518"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.santamonicafertility.hk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=2518"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}