By: Moira Nicholls

Moira Nicholls — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 00:28:15 +0000

Having undergone years of IVF both in Australia and the US I can certainly attest to the toll it takes on mental health. When I first started, I found the hardest part was the waiting – waiting for appointments, for the next opportunity to try again, for donors to be available and for results. Everything seemed to take so long and the years were ticking away and I was getting older. Finally, at my first attempt with a wonderful clinic in the US, I became pregnant using donor eggs and sperm. My pregnancy was generally good till the last few weeks when I simply did not feel well and asked to have the baby earlier than 38 weeks. Unfortunately, my doctor’s advice was to wait, and at 37.5 weeks my baby died in utero. The autopsy showed a healthy baby boy of good weight and no reason could be found for his death. It was heartbreaking. My mental health deteriorated as I constantly relived the events leading up to his death. I reprimanded myself for not following up strongly enough on my physical distress, for not seeking a second opinion and for not pushing to have my baby delivered at 36 or 37 weeks. Since that time, my mental health has waxed and waned. I had several more IVF attempts but they were unsuccessful. My age now precludes further attempts. On advice from my GP I now take antidepressants on an ongoing basis and feel better for it. I also meditate, have regular acupuncture and try to stay fit and healthy. I still think of my beautiful little boy and what might have been, but I accept that I can’t go back and I have learnt to live with the sadness and regrets. I am very grateful for the care I received both at the US clinic and from my GP and others. I would advise anyone undergoing IVF to not be afraid to acknowledge feelings of frustration, impatience, sadness, grief and loss and to seek help sooner rather than later. It can be a long and lonely journey, but there is light at the end of the tunnel if you get help and allow yourself to heal.

Comments on: Fertility Clinics Begin to Address Mental Health

By: Moira Nicholls